My Fantasy Reality Show

                           Reality television has had some unbelievably horrific premises, Naked Dating, Extreme Arm Wrestling, Sarah Palin doing anything at all....The Flavor of Love, Rock of Love,Bridalplasty. Just to name a very few Ugghhh. But if, and I mean if, I had to make a reality show this is what it would be called.....

First Date Disney

      My reality show begins at the gates of the Magic Kingdom at 10 am on a November morning. The weather is perfect. The morning mist is burning away to be replaced with clear SO Cal. skies The kids are in school and the park is pleasantly  uncrowded. This will give our couple a fighting chance at love. No one can  fall in love standing in long lines in 100 degree weather, surrounded my families.

      Our couple have never met, but they have been cleared by our producers as 100 percent Disney fanatics.

With our camera crew poised, our chosen couple walk to the gates from opposite directions, meeting for the first time. There is the inevitable nervous greeting and awkward hug.

      Our couple, Rick and Karla are two 20 something fit classic Southern Californians.They seem to approve of each other. I am visibly relieved, as are my co-producer and camera crew.  

So off they go, hands held and big smiles, Rick and Karla clear the gates but we are immediately stalled for about 30 minutes as they begin taking photos of each other and selfies, ( thank goodness for editing)  the producers ( i.e. me) have to nudge them on,  it's going to be a long day. 

      Once we actually get them into the park things really begin to pick up. Our couple decides to head down Main street USA,  and stop at the Plaza Inn to have breakfast, and plan their day at the park. The show has supplied them with food and shopping vouchers and boy is Rick taking advantage of the breakfast buffet.

Pictures courtesy of Disneyland Resorts

They spend an hour sitting outside on the sunny patio, pouring over maps to both parks and sneaking glaces at each other. It seems we have gotten lucky with our first couple. They seem to be evenly matched....but does that make good television? Only time will tell                                          

Pictures courtesy of Disneyland Resorts

fast forward 3 hours later, our couple seems tense. Karla has been on her phone constantly for the past hour. Even during the rides. It seems she is having issues with an ex. She is crying pretty heavily as she has a heated phone argument on Peter Pan's Flight. Rick is rolling his eyes. It is impossible for him not to listen as they are stuffed in the small car together. Conflict makes him nervous and he really wants a cigarette. 

    

Pictures courtesy of Disneyland Resorts

The ride is quick and as they depart the tiny car Rick heads to the nearest smoking section and lights up. They are by the Autopia cars,across from the Matterhorn, Karla is trailing behind him still on the phone but he just ignores her. The crew can see the wheels turning in his head and we know our bachelor is contemplating bolting. If he leaves our show is over. I volunteer to talk to Karla and I finally get her off the phone. We get churros and find a bench, Karla is quite the crier and I have to hold my own anger back as the liar Karla still protests that she is single. After a little powwow Karla agrees to turn off her phone and apologize to Rick. He reluctantly agrees to have lunch with her, so she can explain who "Pedro" is. 

The Blue Bayou Restaurant  Picture courtesy of Disney Parks 

I get on the horn and phone my Disney contact Jan Hamm. She is sweet and really willing to work with us. After all, if this show is a success it's good for everyone. So Jan happily reserves a table at the Blue Bayou, and we hustle our couple over to new Orleans Square pronto! I could already feel this experience turning my hair grey and I could really use a drink. Thank God I brought my flask. I push Rick and Karla in front of me as we stumble around in the near dark. "Here we go," I say trying to seat our unhappy couple." Front and center, the best table in the house." The atmosphere is perfect for a romantic meal, it  has the feel of twilight in the old south, and a perfect view of passengers boarding the boats to the Pirates of the Caribbean. Always entertaining to watch. I pray my couple will bond during some part of the meal. But just in case I have had my camera man spike the Mint Juleps. (Shhhh) I mean when has booze ever failed to get any two people with a pulse together, at least until the buzz wears off.

The Blue Bayou Restaurant  Picture courtesy of Disney Parks 

          Tearfully Karla lays her cards on the table and explains that she only came on the show to make her on again off again boyfriend Pedro jealous. She lays her hand on top of Ricks, looks him in the eye and sincerely apologizes. "Maybe there can be something between us," Karla says. I rub my hands together in glee knowing the mint julep has kicked in for her. It might for Rick too if he would stop shoveling food into his pie hole. At this point Rick seems more interested in his clam chowder bread bowl then accepting Karla's apology. I looked at my watch it was still early, only 4 pm. Miracles can happen can't they?

As my team keeps plying them with a steady diet of spiked mint juleps (Rick having eaten his meal and most of hers finally joins in). He was so fit, where did he put all of that food I wondered. Before to long our couple was back on track, even playing footsie under the table. We decided it was time to get them up and moving.

They rejoined the show with a new committed vigor, whooping and hollering on every ride.Holding hands, making out, they were feeling no pain, and neither were we. That was until...The Jungle Cruise, and the security escort out of the Magic Kingdom... I have never, ever seen anybody attempt to do that on the Jungle Cruise ride before, never ever!

Pictures courtesy of Disneyland Resorts

After that Jan Hamm had a very long (and very threatening) discussion with me. I promised her we would have the kinks worked out by the next couple.

    Our schedule called for our couple to also visit Disney's California Adventure but with all of our unforeseen circumstances and the fact that we had gotten them both blitzed. I had to admit defeat and we got them rooms at the Disneyland Hotel and parked them at Trader Sam's Enchanted Tiki Bar, at the Disneyland Hotel.

Pictures courtesy of Disneyland Resorts

Pictures courtesy of Disneyland Resorts

Pictures courtesy of Disneyland Resorts

Pictures courtesy of Disneyland Resorts 

The crew and I were also staying at the hotel and decided to call it a day. We stayed at Trader Sam's as well but well across the room from our temporarily "hooked up couple" Pedro may have something to say about that. Thank God they signed a release I said to myself right before I power drank the night away forgetting all about television and networks and contracts and Disneyland.

The End